4am_secret: (TH // Unendlichkeit)
So I'm reading Neon Angel right now, and Cherie describes her first rock concert ever, which also happened to be her first time seeing David Bowie live. I think many of you will understand why I was able to relate to it so much :)

I watched this impossibly thin, pale, alien prince singing to me. Not on vinyl, but right there... right in front of my face, this beautiful, hypnotic, strange man was singing to me, and although I could not quite put it into words, I instinctively knew that what I was experiencing was something religious, something profound. The crowd seemed to move as one being, pushing towards the front, a tidal wave of teenage energy, and although I had heard the words coming out of David's mouth a million times, it felt as if I were hearing the words for the first time, each line reaching across the massive amphitheater and falling around me like a meteor shower.

The heat and the frustration, the alienation and the loneliness, the lust and the anxiety and the joy that seemed like it had been building inside of me for years were suddenly unbearable, like the pressure was too much and I felt like a bomb primed to explode, and only David Bowie knew how I felt. His words explained what was deep down inside of me better than I ever could.

To be honest, the "religious experience" aspect of this reminds me more of the second time I saw Hyde live, so this could fit him as well, for me. But the description just reminds me so much of Bill, and the second part reminds me so much of Humanoid and seeing them in Spain. Happy Anniversary, Durch Den Monsun <333 And hey, beautiful ♥_♥

Bootsy Bellows Nightclub West Hollywood (8)

4am_secret: (Buffy // Willow)
Last night's episode of Supernatural was the first episode since... I think Route 666 that I remember actually not liking. It was the same people behind it too, right? Usually I can ignore the way the show treats women or look past it, but that episode made it really hard not to (I found myself asking, more than once, "Are they... actually doing this?"), and I worry that it seems like it's going to carry over a bit.

I got one of my tax returns! \o/ Also, I had a bit of leftover money from my financial aid. That has NEVER happened to me! I get so jealous whenever Natalie and Kyle talk about the money they get, because usually I end up having to pay some out of pocket. It wasn't tons or anything, but every penny counts. I also applied a few more places *running out of fingers to cross*

As my reward for, I dunno, not being broke anymore, I got myself the twin app finally :) I couldn't have my name, so I went with Cupcake Bandit instead, hehe. I know it's dumb, but I'm sort of amused by the coincidence of Bill ~revealing~ his newly silver/grey hair a few days after I find my first XD
4am_secret: (TH // OMG)


Just put him in my hands, please ;~;

If there are more pictures of this, I will probably be posting again with more flailing lolol XD

(I like to think the Bill in my icon/mood is saying 'THAT'S what I grow into??????????')
4am_secret: (Bowie // Rebel rebel)
This is really amazing. I clicked onto it as kind of a joke, because I thought it was a documentary about two die-hard Tiffany fans (yes, 'I Think We're Alone Now' Tiffany XD), but it turns out, it's actually about two people who are obsessed with her, and completely convinced they are in love with her. I thought it was a really amazing insight into the sort of lives that can lead to things like this, and the sort of people who go to this extreme, since we all see things like this surrounding Tokio Hotel/Bill/Tom, and write them off or even make fun of them as crazies. It all just makes me sad.

A lot of TH fans in general lately make me sad, because I feel like I see a lot of extreme attachment to them. On tumblr, in places like [livejournal.com profile] gajastar's forum, etc. It makes me wonder why they need this so much, and I have no doubt that they do, because I think we all do, to some degree, right? Some people enjoy fandom as a hobby, but many of us enjoy it as an escape - I know I do. It's when I see people worrying over the most seemingly pointless things, or whoever is ruining Gaja's life at any given moment (XD) that I really have to wonder what their RL is like, what it is lacking or throwing at them that makes the unhealthy degree of their fixation so necessary. Maybe fandoms get so wanky because they're all basically misguided attempts at self-medication and therapy for a lot of people, too many people.

I guess a lot of people don't care about stuff like this. Maybe it's occurred to others, and they just feel like other people's problems aren't their own, but I think when we're all interacting in a medium that doesn't allow us any insight at all basically into the people we're talking with, a little empathy could go a long way. I mean, these people are affecting us enough to make us angry sometimes, so I guess their problems do become our own, even when we aren't aware of it, and as for me, I would really just like to understand that more.

I loved this quote from that video, btw: "It's the cracked ones that let light into the world." Lovely <3

(I should probably not write LJ entries at 5am when my eyes are killing me and I can't look at my computer screen and think at the same time >.>)
4am_secret: (Kristen // Glow)


Oh my gosh, you guys. This song, this video. They are everything I need right now. Kristen is so, so beautiful, I can't even handle it. I think they both have faces that express very deep vulnerability - especially considering how much of it is just his. It's got to be difficult to open yourself up like that, and I find it really moving.

And of course, I can't not acknowledge this, too:

It feels like the world is helping me out a little :)

October 2012

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Are you still living there
Walking the streets with your hollow stare
You say there's loneliness everywhere
So we have nothing to lose
The music plays all day long
And sorrow looks beautiful
And lovers seem mystical
Tomorrow a new point of view
These bright lights will bend to make blue
Now this can all look new to you